Broken Roses

There were beautiful roses on the table just for me,
Until the fighting, yelling, as loud as can be.
Now those beautiful roses are thrown into the trash
by the giver taken back, thrown away.
I feel that is what he does to me.
The beautiful roses that were on the table
are now broken roses in the trash just like me.
Broken Roses.

Yesterday

The day after Valentine's Day is no better than yesterday.
I sit here and ponder why it wasn't any better.
Flowers in the trash and not by me.
what did I do to deserve this hate to this degree.
I want to love so hard but why is it so complicated
every day another open wound that makes me so frustrated.
The day after Valentine's Day is no better than yesterday
Is it overrated and just singles awareness day?
He says he loves me but that's not how it seems
Instead were always yelling and letting out too much steam.
I want us to be normal if that is possible,
but the day after Valentines Day is no better than yesterday.

Empty Nest

I was talking to an old girlfriend from my childhood, briefly, the other day and she was commenting on how  devastated emotionally she will be when her two children finally grow and move out on their own. Her oldest already started college, she is 21 and still lives at home and her youngest is almost 16.

I was thinking about what she said after she walked away and it left me heartbroken. My children were 2, 4, 8 and 15 when I experienced my second divorce. Thankfully this old friend has never had to experience one. My ex husband received custody of my children leaving me alone for what has been years now. I will not have the opportunity to feel that "empty nest" feeling when my children go off to college because they are already gone. I will never be able to experience the closeness a mother feels with her children because I am unable to be with them continuously day and night. That connection one mourns when a child leaves, I will never feel. Instead, that mourning is what I will feel continuously. For me I have been mourning that feeling every other weekend for almost ten years. The sadness has entrapped me for all this time, never actually going away. They leave and I mourn them every other weekend.
So my dear friend that will be so devastated emotionally when her children leave that said "nest", be thankful that you don't have to endure it continuously and every other weekend.~Renee

Missing

A young mother went missing, not sure of the time or place she just ended up missing. Where is she? Taken by the silent enemies of mental illness. Her own thoughts and emotions captured first by bipolar himself. Leaving her confused, depressed and sad not knowing that she had been taken. Another assailant, known as borderline personality disorder, just as bad maybe worse, now being robbed of her relationships between herself and the ones she longs to love. The third is the evil Post traumatic stress, he is that constant reminder that she has been taken and broken. Not to leave out the one that gives her extreme anxiety and fear of leaving her captures, as if in the most secretive case of Stockholm syndrome where your enemy becomes your friend. She has been forced to live with her captures for years without even knowing.
One that she now knows as Truth has come to set her free. She has been missing for too long. She wants her life back, what has been stolen all these years, but yet she can't escape from her own mind. Missing.~Renee