Bipolar Coaster

Up and down
round and round
when will I ever come down.
One pill here and three pills there
Will I ever be able to chill.
manic on minute depression the next
I just want to wring my own neck.
I want to be normal
whatever that is
bipolar coaster
this is not for me
I want off this ride.
please let me be.

I Yearn

Woman: I yearn for that man of God so that I can finally truly Love. A man that will love me no matter what the past, present or future holds. That one man that will hold me, comfort me and protect and provide for me in all aspects of life. I want to be able to trust and put my whole heart into this man. I anticipate the day that I finally know that it is him. I have been through a lot and long for this one man to finally stick around long enough to break down my man made wall of stone. When I know he is the one the walls will fall and I will be free to love.


Man: You are a very godly woman and would be blessed to get to know you. I feel that God will put us together if that is his plan and I have been praying about that.
When I look into your eyes I see the stars,
When you smile it's like knowing God loves you,
When I look at your body your hotter than the sun,
When I touch you it's like touching heaven,
Would like to get to know you , to hold you, to kiss you to develop and relationship from God that no person can tear apart,
I do not want a friendship with benefits, I want a relationship that starts from the heart. I want to make love to your heart first, two heartbeats becoming one.
Mentally I know you are intelligent.
Emotionally there is void in our hearts that only God can fill by introducing us to the right person which could be each other soul mates
Spiritually. God is first then us.
But I want to let you know this I what yearn for.

Tent City

My first time at Tent City
I was a guest.
I was very hesitant
My mind was quickly put to rest,
I was introduced to many
and started on my quest.

I was helped in many ways,
I even became a vendor
but I was very uncomfortable
when the revelation hit that I was homeless.

I was sleeping on the sofa

Myself with Amanda  founder of Toledo Streets Newspaper. 

at my fathers house,
with no understanding
that I was "surfing" his couch.

My outlook on homelessness
was a man living under a bridge
Not my on-again-off-again staying with family.

My second time at tent city I was no longer a guest,
a guide is what I had become, goodbye to the past.
I have my own place, I'm no longer homeless.
I am able to give back to those who feel hopeless.

Representing as a guide and helping people
is something that I am very thankful for.
Being a guide the third year at tent city
has made me become such a better person.
Sharing the love that I have for the homeless
is something I learned
at Tent City.

Pamela Renee Schneider

Invisable

How can I feel so alone and yet I am surrounded by people? How can I have no one to talk to and yet I speak to people every day? I am here, but I am invisible.~Unknown

I am around people everyday,
could there be a way
not to be
invisible?
I do not know what to say,
I don't want to stay this way,

I pray
not to be
invisible.
Can't they see it in my face
that I feel stuck in this place,
long
not to be
invisible.
Why do I feel so alone,
I am here heart of stone
don't want to be
invisible.
loneliness and hopelessness
are the worst when you are
Invisible.

~Pamela Renee Schneider

I Am...So Easily Forgotten

How is it that I am so easily forgotten?
After all this time, I feel so rotten.
You led me to believe that there was something there.
Now it seems that you just don't care?
I am...easily forgotten.
Why do I wear my heart on my sleeve?
Just so you can love than leave?
I am...easily forgotten.
I have been longing to hear from you for over a year,
no, don't say anymore you have made it clear,
I am easily forgotten.
I thought we were bonded to each other,
but now I am broken, you have found another.
I am...easily forgotten.

Renewed Hope

Over the years
it's been in the back of my mind.
Over and over
as I lay there in bed.
Crying and tears gasping for air
as I ponder my life
is it really fair?
All the things I have been through
domestic violence, rape, exploitation,
anxiety, depression
only to name a few.
will I ever feel better
or is it how it will always be?
Feeling lost and alone
not a good feeling for me.
Staying under the covers
or laying there looking at the ceiling,
thinking of all the different ways to end it.
Thoughts of family and how they endure
if I did it.
My children are the only reason I didn't.
With medication and therapy I'm getting better.
Those racing thoughts of suicide are diminishing.
Instead of thoughts of me finishing,
The Lord has shown me life is worth living
that's how I can sit here and write this evening.
Still alive, loving life, renewed hope
in Christ.

32 GB

I had to go out and purchase a 32 GB flash drive for all of my documents and pictures that are being stored onto my computer. I had so much information stored on it that it was slowing it down. Then it occurred to me that this is exactly what my mind does when I write in my blog. My brain is my computer and my blog is my flash drive. All of the information that is in my head gets put into my blog.
My mind is like my computer, bogged down with so much information that it goes too slow. Like my flash drive, I have been downloading all my information into my blog. If I did not do this my mind would not function as well and eventually I would be waiting forever for the information to download. I would have to control-alt-delete my own mind!