Renewed Hope

Over the years
it's been in the back of my mind.
Over and over
as I lay there in bed.
Crying and tears gasping for air
as I ponder my life
is it really fair?
All the things I have been through
domestic violence, rape, exploitation,
anxiety, depression
only to name a few.
will I ever feel better
or is it how it will always be?
Feeling lost and alone
not a good feeling for me.
Staying under the covers
or laying there looking at the ceiling,
thinking of all the different ways to end it.
Thoughts of family and how they endure
if I did it.
My children are the only reason I didn't.
With medication and therapy I'm getting better.
Those racing thoughts of suicide are diminishing.
Instead of thoughts of me finishing,
The Lord has shown me life is worth living
that's how I can sit here and write this evening.
Still alive, loving life, renewed hope
in Christ.