Misdiagnosed :(:

In October of 2012, I was diagnosed Bi-Polar with Borderline Personality

Borderline Personality Disorder

Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Extreme Anxiety with Agoraphobia. Before these diagnosis I was diagnosed with only depression and anxiety. Even though depression and anxiety are parts of the Bipolar diagnosis it is not the same. I have gone years with being misdiagnosed.
When I found out I had these mental illnesses it was actually a big relief. My emotions, thoughts and feelings over the years finally made sense. It was like a major piece of my puzzle had been found and put into place.
I reflect on my past now and everything is starting to make sense, also the severity of my misdiagnosis is also coming together. It must have been so hard on my family and friends to deal with my extreme ups and downs. I think about my children when I think about how these diagnoses contributed to my life. The pain they must have gone through watching my different moods, not knowing if mommy was going to be nice or mean, speaking calmly or yelling on the top of her lungs.

Bipolar

I look back and now realize what a mess I really was. I want to apologize for any harm or hurts I have caused you. I am now on medications that are helping me balance out my illnesses. I am so thankful that the Lord has revealed to me the truth and now I can accept my diagnosis and try to move forward. I am slowly learning what each of theses illnesses are and how and what impacts they have on my day to day life. I am taking baby steps in the right direction now that I know that what and how I feel is not my fault, that there has been something wrong all of these years. If I have hurt you in any way I am very sorry and please take the time to understand these illnesses so that we may understand one another better. I live by faith one day at a time, and for right now, that's enough for me. God Bless.
~Renee

"Up/Down" Bipolar Disorder Documentary FULL MOVIE (2011)

Open Letter from those with Borderline Personality Disorder (With Narrat...

The Tornado

July 17, 2010


On June 6, 2010 I was volunteering with the American Red Cross and was assigned behind a home that was destroyed by a tornado to look for any kind of salvageable documents or pictures...anything. I was assigned to Mamie Drive where a family lost 3 out of the 4 family members. While I was there I was praying to God that He would lead me to what I needed to find because it was so overwhelming emotionally that I didn't even now where to start. He led me, I could feel Him with me. It was such a peaceful feeling. I found the surviving girls birth announcement picture, the cover of a child's story Bible with Proverbs 3:5-6 on the back of the cover, and a painted hand print of the little boy who passed with his name and age written in pencil. I found the items behind their home just a few feet away from the creek that runs through the woods. I was so thankful they were in great condition compared to all the muddy, tore, and destroyed papers and pictures I did find. I turned the picture of the little girl, the little boys hand print, and the Bible cover to the Church, they sat them aside. I pray that they got to the family. I was touched in such a way that day that it will be with me forever. To find anything that was salvageable was a miracle and to find that little boys hand print brought me to tears. It makes me think of my own children, if something like this happened to me, and everything was gone, to have at least a hand print would mean everything to me.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Do not depend on your own understanding. In all your ways remember him. Then he will make your paths smooth and straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6

Brutal Honesty

Dec. 1, 2009

Erin,
I recently attended the "Just walk across the room" class. During the course we were instructed to come up with a story under 75 words:
For years the devil was imbedded into my soul leaving me unaware of the Lord. My brother suggested the life support group at Cedar Creek, I decided to attend. During group discussion some brutal honesty of my sins made me realize that it was time to forgive, repent, and follow Gods word. It was an amazing transformation! I’ve been dead in this world for so long, now because of Gods grace, I have eternal life.

It was your brutal honesty that was the final seed that needed to be planted for me to grow and to recognize the Lord as my savior. I believe that the Lord was speaking to me through you.
I felt honored when I was asked to be a part of the lost and found sermon. I never would have believed seven months ago that I would be announcing my faith to the entire congregation.
I am eternally grateful to you Erin. Because of you I am no longer shattered and overwhelmed. I was lost but now am found.
Grace be to God,
Pamela Renee Schneider

Renee, wow- what an awesome note of encouragement. I can certainly say without a doubt that God has spoken through me at Life Support. I am not perfect but I do try and open myself up in a way to be a vessel for Him to speak to others. It thrills me to know that you have found The Truth- what a blessing for you and an encouragement to me! So proud of you for listening to His leading. Life as a Christian isn't always fun but it is full of peace and that is enough. Hugs!
Erin

A Mothers Day Note

Happy Mother's Day! I love you! I hope you had a good time yesterday with the kids! I just tried calling you and it rang like 125 times. I hope you are enjoying your day! Thank you for putting up with my sass for 23 (almost 24) years. You know what they say "she gets it from her momma." Thank you for helping me become the person I am today. You are the strongest person I know! I am so happy that God decided to make you my mom. Even though you were young, I think it was an experience that taught us both a lot of lessons. Thank you for everything! I love you!

Lost Voice

Lost Voice
I haven't been feeling much like being around people. Some people know my testimony many do not but I feel as though the people that have been helping me have stopped being in my life, I don't know why. I feel like my overcoming exploitation has gone up and went with those people. I don't see how they could help me stay out of the industry then completely drop from my life. So I haven't felt much like doing anything with trafficking I guess because I am losing hope in people. I was with the project for 2 years and she never let me speak. I felt like I was used to stand there so people could see what an exploitation victim looked like and that was it. I had and still have a lot of experience and knowledge that is going to waste and now my hope is being depleted. I am not sure why I am writing this but I guess I need to be heard. I pray that I can get my drive back for trafficking that I once had. I also struggle financially and with mental illness still, that's why I don't do a lot of things as well. It seems that through all my past abuse I have lost my voice. I feel as if I need to learn how to use my voice since over the years I was not being heard. I need to just clear my throat and get what I know out. Just wanting to be heard~Renee

Gullible

I have gone through years of the same thing but just by different people that say that they care about me. It's been two years of the same thing in my most recent relationship. The lies and the bad decisions of others that affect me, not done by me, are all that I can take anymore. Why do I put up with this nonsense? Where is my own self worth really at? Gullible innocence. I am so gullible and these men see that. They make the decisions to use me and walk all over my heart. I need to make a change and make it fast. But how do I do that when my heart has been stomped into so many pieces. I am easily deceived and cheated...gullible.

2013 In Review

I must say that 2013 absolutely flew by. As I reflect I realize that I have accomplished a lot in 2013.

Little Loyal Louie

The first thing that happened in 2013 that was a big deal did not happen until February. I got a dog. He is (I think) Brussels Griffon mixed with Pug. He was only 4 months old when he joined the family and now he is 15 months. He is my Little Loyal Louie.
I continue my volunteering with the American Red Cross by being on call for local fires and also for national calls. I have not been called out all year but continue to be prepared when needed.
I have been working on myself a lot this year. I have been going to many doctor appointments to get my mental illness in balance. It has taken a  lot of time and patience but I believe it will all pay off. If I continue my treatment all will be well.
In May I started going to a new church. So far I like it. It is called Mainstreet in Walbridge, Ohio. I started volunteering in the Giving Center for Mainstreet which is a clothing ministry for the community. We sort and hang clothes in a room that allows people to get clothes for free. I really enjoy it and could see myself volunteering there long term. I also started in a new life group through Mainstreet in which I can see being something very good. I did stop going to my Cedar Creek life group that I was in this year which I believe was a healthy decision.

Renee's House of Refuge

Also in May I started Renee's House of Refuge for Homeless and Unwanted Dogs. It has been awesome so far, a lot of work but well worth it. I got my first foster dog on May 21 which was a pregnant Beagle. She ended up having 11 puppies, one died. I raised them until they were nine weeks old and they were all adopted into their new forever homes. Over the year I had approximately 25 dogs come through the Refuge. What a blessing it has been.
I started attending block watch meetings and was elected to be the new block watch leader. That turned out to be short lived due to being busy going to doctor appointments and having dogs. I did not feel that it was something healthy for me to take on.
In August of this year I was able to travel to Indiana to join my New York Red Cross volunteer friends to walk in a Labor Day Parade as a representative for the American Red Cross. It was such a great feeling, what an honor and a privilege. 
I also had the honor of walking in a Walk for Colitis for my daughter. She was diagnosed this year and it has been a challenge for her so I walked to show my love for her.
In 2013 I turned 42 years old. I got to go out to lunch and dinner with family and friends to celebrate. It was a great day. It is hard for me to believe I am in my forties but It is a great age to be. I just have to thank God for giving me this time.

Marathon Key

November 19-26 I was sent to Florida by my dad to pick up his new vehicle. I flew into Fort Lauderdale, Florida. I drove past Miami, Fla. into the Florida Keys and Key West. I visited my cousins Tom and Diane then up the Gulf Coast to Anna Maria Island, Florida. I then traveled on to visit my old friend Ken and his daughter Sadie. After that I returned home. What a blessing to have this opportunity. Thank you dad, I love you.

Cervical Fusion and Dissection

On December second I had a cervical fusion and dissection surgery with doner bone and a titanium plate put into my neck. It was a major surgery. I was scared to death but I am healing well. My injury stemmed from a violent relationship and now that my surgery has made my neck feel better I can now put those memories behind me.
Overall 2013 has been a busy year, I suppose that is why it flew by. I pray now that 2014 slows down and is as successful as 2013 has been.
     Happy New Year and God Bless. ~Renee