Focused On Jesus

Was everything I ever knew about relationships and sexuality a lie growing up? Some very significant things changed my perspective. Was reading through mom's romance novels that were stacked in her bedroom a bad idea unannounced to me? They were in her bedroom so it must be okay, right? Or was flipping through the Cosmopolitans, Playboys, Hustler and Club magazines that were littered in different unsuccessful hiding places around the house and in dads car such a bad idea to look at? After all they were my dads and if he has them what is so bad about them. As a little girl I used to read the "good" parts of the romance novels believing a man would rescue me. Was looking at the pornography and having sexual intercourse at a young age with men normal too?
So having seen these things as a child and young adult believing that it was normal, there is no wonder that my husband ended up as my pimp.

Focused on Jesus

When the realization turned revelation, I couldn't believe what I was hearing. How could romance novels and pornography ruin the innocence of a little girl? To me these things were normal, my belief system. Now that the revelation has resonated in me I now realize that everything I knew about relationships and sexuality was a lie. Now as an adult I have been dealing with my past of lies and trying to move forward in my new truth. It has been a bumpy road but I am back on a path that glorifies the Lord. I no longer read romance novels or look at pornography. I am no longer with the husband that thought it was okay to pimp me out. I no longer pimp myself out. I am trying very hard to stay on God's path that He has been leading me down. I am trying to not be a prisoner of my past that is why I write, to get it out of my head and move forward.
Even though what I learned as a little girl was wrong, I now know that it was all lies and am thankful I am out of that bondage that had a hold of me my entire life. There will be no more romance novels and pornography, now my eyes are focused on Jesus. Praise God.

~Renee