The Proverbial Teeter Totter

I am alone a majority of the time which is okay, in my opinion, for someone that is an introvert. I was alone in a public place with many people tonight and it was all I could do to make it through the hour. Now that I am in my safe place I can unwind and process my day. Alone. It is okay to be alone if I have a healthy balance but I am wondering if I am teetering on the side of isolation. I need to get out more.

Maybe I am lonely. Is that what happens when you isolate yourself to the point of being unhealthy? At what point does alone turn into lonely and why is it that I can be around people and still feel lonely? My guess is that I had been hanging around the wrong person. I have to make better choices and make sure I choose to be around people that encourage a healthy balance not isolation.
I thrive in one-on-one environments. When I go into group settings the anxiety I feel over powers my thoughts and that's when I start feeling like I need to be alone. Then I start to isolate myself and the loneliness starts to develop.
When I am around certain people I feel safe and I am fulfilled yet others tear me down to my core. I need to focus more on a healthy balance so I can be centered between the two sides of the proverbial teeter-totter of alone and lonely. ~Renee

Reciprocal Friendship and Love

A life of adventure with someone that reciprocates the friendship and love that I am capable of giving is what my heart and soul desires. How hard can that type of love be to find? I am guessing not hard at all, after all it may be right in front of me. Whether that love is traveling across the country or sitting on the couch sipping on a glass of Napa Valley wine, just being with that special someone makes it an adventure.
I have lived my life so far feeling trapped, trapped and secluded, isolated, stuck in the muck of what some people say is normal living. I want and am hoping for more, more excitement, more thrilling places, more opportunity. Yes, I have to be content where I am but what happens when that contentment turns into utter stagnant unhappiness. I want to be happy, happy with someone that shares the same dreams as I. It can't be too much to ask.

If I want happiness I am learning that I have to just go for it. Get out of this humdrum, mundane comfort zone I am in. If it means I have to move on to bigger and better opportunities then that is what I have to do. I should not have to tolerate unhappiness. So what am I waiting for. Now...nothing. I am not going to sit around and wait until happiness finds me because it may never happen. I am going to get ready in order to be ready for that life of adventure with someone that reciprocates the friendship and love that I am capable of giving.~Renee

"Change is inevitable, growth is intentional." -Unknown

I have been thinking a lot lately about relationships. My relationships with family, friends and God. I have been distant to all three in the past few years but have recently been getting back on track. Some of my relationships are getting closer yet some are fading away, that chapter is slowly closing, and that is okay. If that is the way it is supposed to be I am at peace with that. There are some relationships that are regaining momentum and I am very excited to be on the ride. I have also been getting closer in fellowship with God.
Due to the bad relationships my focus had been blurred but thankfully I am back on path.
It amazes me how different each relationship is with each individual I know. Certain people bring me such joy to get close to. They encourage me, inspire me, help me to see how beautiful I truly am. My self worth has been so bad over the years that it feels good that certain people see what I needed to see years ago. Their intentions are pure. That makes me feel at peace. I have had such bad relationships over the years that it is nice to have such good people in my life. Finally, I believe my choices are getting better.

As Hans F. Hansen says "People inspire you or they drain you-pick them wisely." This is so true. I am doing my best to be around positive people that inspire me. After being around certain people for way too long, isolated from even my own self, I am longing to be around those certain people that inspire me. Thankfully those people have been put into my path,especially one that I thought may be fading away due to prior isolation from a bad relationship.
Change is inevitable. People will come and go throughout a lifetime, yet growth is intentional. I will choose to make good choices in the people I let into my life. My hope has been restored. My faith growing ever stronger, my heart becoming softer. I will guard my heart yet enjoy every second of the time we can spend together.~Renee