Monday, November 19, 2012

Bus Blessings

Bus Blessings

Unknown faces,
Awkward moments,
Introductions,
Small talk.
Minds easing,
Much in common,
Two new Christians
of the Lord.
Fourteen hours straight of talking,
Mike, Renee, Kim
Bible teachings,
No more awkwardness.
Deep thought moments,
Revelations,
Belly laughter,
New found friendships,
Bus blessings.

Thank you Jesus.

Pamela Renee Schneider

Where Am I At You Ask?



Where am I at you ask?
10/2011

That is a great question. As I sit here and reflect on the two months that have passed since my return from my five month stay at the Refuge for Women, I am amazed at the blessings that have been poured over me.
Upon my return I was hopeful about a job position with a local ministry and before I could unpack my bags from my car I was told that I did not get the position. It took me a moment but I knew that the Lord has something for me and because that door shut, I knew that was not it.
I was sleeping on an air mattress at my dads on the living room floor as I contemplated going to the Sparrows Nest to attend the Ready for Life program they offered. I prayed over it and decided to stay at my dad’s house over the weekend so I could transition back to my life in Toledo.
After telling my dad my plans to stay at the Sparrows Nest he told me that if I wanted to I could live in his 3 unit house on the east side of Toledo. He informed me that the upper 2 bedroom unit was vacant. I went over to check it out and saw all the work it needed. I decided to pray over it and start to get it cleaned up because regardless if I stayed there or not it needed to be done to get a new tenant in.
As I was cleaning and becoming overwhelmed with confusion of what to do I went to my brothers and sisters in Christ for wisdom. They confirmed what the Lord was telling me. This is where the Lord needs me to be. After two months of cleaning and painting the apartment looks amazing! I absolutely love it and finally have a place to call home. After two years of house sitting, living at a ministry, and doubling up I have a stable and secure place to live.
The Lord told me that after I get into the apartment that I should then focus on employment. I applied to various temporary agencies with a successful 3 days of work, just enough for gas money and my first utility bills.
I had an interview with an amazing ministry in Toledo and am waiting to hear from them. I am once again hopeful and am trusting that the Lord is going to open the door soon. I have been helping with various ministries and joined a new home church that is close to my heart.
The Lord opened up to me an amazing opportunity to be a Rescue Chaplain for Cherry Street Mission Ministries. I never dreamed that the Lord would have me in such an amazing place. I am so grateful that I am able to serve.
I was gone for 5 months and am just now getting settled in and getting the opportunity to catch up with friends and family, hearing about what the Lord has been doing in their lives. I have been able to spend time with my children that I missed so much while I was away. They are very excited about our new home and my return.
When I moved into the apartment I had very little. Now I have a bed, furniture, bathroom and kitchen supplies thanks to the amazing people of the community that came together to help someone they didn’t even know.

In summary, I drove back to Ohio from Kentucky, was blessed with an apartment, cleaned and painted, was blessed by the community with gifts for my new home, I get to see my children, volunteer with amazing people with incredible ministries, and became a Rescue Chaplain. I have been blessed with pure abundant overflowing joy. Happiness is temporary, joy is everlasting.
I just finished reading exodus and it reminded me of…me. I just turned 40. I feel like I have been wandering in the wilderness for 40 years and now the Lord is bringing me into the Promise Land.
So where am I at you ask?
Heaven on earth-The Promise Land

God Bless,
Pamela Renee Schneider

Freedom Through Biblical Rescue




Freedom Through Biblical Rescue
04/2011
It was amazing to me how the Lord has orchestrated my entire existence. When I was younger I was so lost. I have recently been reflecting on my life and have been attempting to figure out exactly what happened to me in my past that set me in a path of drugs, alcohol, physical abuse, sexual promiscuity, one bad relationship after another, financial ruin, and homelessness. Something had to have happened to warp my mind to believe a life with all of this chaos was normal.
In the past two years since I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, many wonderful people have come into my life. Because of Christ and these amazing new friends, my path is forever changed.
Little did I know that one day while at church I would run into my old friend Mandy that would set my course on a direction that would change my life. She told me that I needed to meet a woman named Sharon. Sharon is the founder of the Free2BMe Project. She has been an incredibly inspiring person to me over the past seven months since we met. She has been my mentor and friend and has provided the stability I unknowingly needed to keep focused on Christ. She has inspired me to love myself as a child of God. She has encouraged me to know that I am not just a dirty whore, that my belief system has made me believe that I was worth nothing.
Recently Sharon referred me to a Biblical Rescue Intensive workshop taught by Dan Rogers, CEO of the Cherry Street Mission in Toledo, Ohio. I spent three days in his course learning about adolescence and autonomy. Very often during childhood or adolescence bad things can happen that can cause a wound that never heals. Instead of addressing the issue that caused the wound we tend to block it from our memory. Eventually people use drugs alcohol, or other types of addictions to cover the wound like a band aid. When this happens people rarely get past the adolescent stage. The ultimate goal is to heal the wound and move on to autonomy which is the quality or state of being independent, free, and self-directing. 

I was sexually active by the age of 15, pregnant and married by 17, divorced by 19, single parent, raped, miscarriage, married again at 22, gave birth to three more children, divorced at 32, lost custody, turned to prostitution, ended up homeless, all while drinking, using drugs, and smoking cigarettes. Fortunately for me during the Biblical Rescue Intensive the Lord let me know that during all this I am still in adolescent stages.
I was introduced to Steve North, the founder of Lifeline Ministries at a monthly Lifeline Community Dinner. During a conversation, he recognized my distress and offered to partner with Dan Rogers of the Cherry Street Mission and Sharon McQueary founder of the Free2BMe Project to perform a spiritual rescue with me. A rescue entails a series of questions to pinpoint the core moment that set me off course.
 
After years of confusion, numbness, and hopelessness, the Lord is revealing to me how everything I have been through is about to come together for the good. This week with God, Dan Rodgers, Steve North, and Sharon McQueary, I am going to go through spiritual surgery to locate the wound and treat the infection that for so long has needed healing.
With God all things are possible. For me what seemed unattainable-spiritual, emotional, and moral maturity-is possible. I will be 40 years old this October. For me, the growth from adolescence to autonomy is long overdue. I can’t think of a better gift from God for my 40th birthday-Freedom!
Bring it God! You know I’m ready!

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose.”
Romans 8:28
Pamela Renee Schneider

Friday, November 16, 2012

My Mission Statement

My Mission Statement

Pamela Renee Schneider
I Pamela Renee Schneider, to the best of my human ability, exist to continually stay in His word and to love others. May all I say and do glorify the Lord. I will be an obedient, submissive servant to the Him. I will maintain unity within Christ’s body with patient endurance. I will lead a life worthy of my calling and be a positive force in society. I will strive to be a noble woman of character in order to leave a legacy that glorifies the Lord. I will teach my children about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I will be strong and courageous. I will help and encourage those in need. May the name of our Lord Jesus be honored by the way I live. All by the grace of God.


Thursday, November 15, 2012

Hurricane Sandy-New York Mission Trip 2012

Hurricane Sandy-Missionary Team 2012
Hurricane Sandy-New York Mission Trip 2012
My New Perspective of An Intersection

Day 1: This trip...unexpected. I am so grateful to be a part of this mission. Thank you Lord Jesus. Wow, what a long bus ride yet what a bus ride it was. After being baptized in anointing oil (accidentally) by Pastor Mike Przbylski we left for the Bronx, New York at approximately three p.m. We had 14 hours of getting to know each other and that we did. I especially got to know Mike and Kim in which are two wonderful people that I hit it off with right away. We became the three amigos. We arrived finally around five a.m. after a few rest stops and a long wait at Walmart waiting for the donations to be rung up. To my recollection there were $2100 worth of bottled water and blankets.
Kingsbridge Armory-Bronx N.Y.
Most of us received no sleep during the 14 hour bus trip. Day 2: Shortly after arriving at the Kingsbridge Armory in Bronx, New York we spent a majority of the day sorting and loading u-haul trucks and the Lifeline Ministries bus with supplies for delivery. This is where we met people from other churches and formed partnerships in order to make deliveries.
I am currently sitting alone in the back of the bus debating on napping before we go into Coney Island N.Y. to serve food and provide medical services if all goes as planned. I just got back from a Bronx McDonald's for lunch with three of the other team members. So much for a nap. It was really fun to be able to walk through the Bronx!
Waiting to be deployed to Coney Island N.Y.
Unloading supplies-Coney Island N.Y.
What an experience! After all day of waiting, changing plans and forcing in a few seconds (that's what it felt like) of sleep we delivered a bus full of supplies to a church in Coney Island N.Y. until midnight. We did not get to deploy until 10 p.m. but it was well worth the wait. Since I could not lift the cases of water I became the photographer which was fine by me due to my interest in being a photo journalist.
Hope House-Harlem, N.Y.
We ended up not having a place to stay so a Pastor we met volunteered a house for the women to stay called the "Hope House." We all slept on the finished basement floor in our sleeping bags. We were all exhausted. I am not sure where the men stayed. Thank you Lord for the hospitality from everyone at Hope House! The bus was having some problems with the brake lines and it ends up it was because the load of the supplies were so heavy. I was a little concerned but I know that God's got this!
Day 3: Obama wins another term. I did not get a chance to vote since I found out last minute that I was coming to New York on the day before voting. Tired and sore I'm waiting for the shower to open. Most of the other women already went down to the corner deli for breakfast. My body apparently chose sleep over food after a night of hearing someone snoring. I'm not sure what is going to happen today but I know that it is going to be good. I'm currently in Harlem, New York. Pretty cool Lord, Harlem.

Costco's Glenn & Julio loading supplies

Nor'easter at Hope House
To add insult to injury the area is now expecting a nor'easter to blow through. The ladies were picked up and we made a trip to get more supplies before the storm hit to take back to the Kingsbridge Armory where the men were waiting for us to unload. Although we were all willing to take the risk to get the supplies delivered Steve decided for the safety of the team we would not go out into the storm to make a delivery, but we did go out as a team to get something to eat. It was a great time for fellowship. We would have to wait for the storm to pass before getting back to work. Today was not as we planned but the storm brought in an amazingly beautiful landscape of snow.
Those in need-Coney Island N.Y.
Day 4: The snow was beautiful yet melting away as quickly as it came. The weather is surprisingly warmer than I anticipated. I went for a walk around Harlem with my new friend Sue to check out the area. I could really get used to living here! I never thought in a million years I would be walking around Harlem. After our jaunt around Harlem we took the bus over to Coney Island, N.Y. on the intersection of Surf and 25th with a load of supplies for our first "block party." Overall it was very chaotic and there were many "takers" as Steve described them. It was a lesson for us all, who are we to decide their needs. After all the loading and unloading of the supplies, this is where we finally had the opportunity to talk to the people that were in need. We were building relationships, even though some very brief, we were encountering the love of Christ. We were able to provide food, water and clothing for all the residents that were able to come to the "block party."
Far Rockaway, New York
Day 5: We departed to go to another area of Coney Island to hand out supplies. We did not stay long at this location. We did stay long enough for our team member Mike to be able to go to the beach and go into the Atlantic Ocean for the very first time. That was pretty cool.We decided to go to a place that was very hard hit by hurricane Sandy call Far Rockaway. We all had a hard time remembering the name of the town so we called it Fraggle Rock until the name finally set in. It gave us something to chuckle about amongst the sadness of the devastation around us.
What a glorious intersection
The lifeline bus set up camp on the intersection of Thursby Ave. and 63 St. Some of the team dispersed to let the citizens know that there were supplies there and some of the team unloaded and set up the tables. I was on a two-man-team with Mike to go knock on doors to find any residents in need. It was an amazing experience. I believe it may have been, amongst many, one of the high points of the mission for me. People were very happy to hear from us.
Setting up in Far Rockaway NY
Later I found out that it was actually a very dangerous neighborhood. I did not feel unsafe for a moment. The Lord lead us through. The people started to filter in. This is the first opportunity we had to set up the medical clinic. I had the responsibility to be Nurse Kim's assistant which went very well. Kim's heart, filled with mercy and compassion, was exposed during these hours of seeing patients. You are an amazing nurse "Doc Kim."
Medical clinic
At the end of day five I reflect on my trip so far and think abut our time spent on the corner of Thursby and 63 rd. It changed my perspective. I never imaged I would be here, helping others and meeting amazing people. What a glorious intersection. Day 6: Rested and ready to go, we decided to stay another day and go back for one last delivery with the items we had left on the bus. Like the fish and the bread when Jesus was feeding the masses, there was once again more than enough to go around. Praise God. We ended up going back to the same spot that we went to on day four, Surf and 25th in Coney Island. We saw a few of the same faces. We were able to open up the medical clinic again and provide blood pressure checks and hand out some of the 11 cases of cough medicine a church donated to us.
Mike's ocean water baptism
When everything was starting to wind down, Mike decided he wanted me to baptize him in the Atlantic since I am a volunteer Chaplain. Mike, Kim and I went down to the ocean and I did my first baptism. What an honor and a privilege it was to do the ceremony. The beach was closed for cleanup so Mike filled a water bottle with ocean water and he was baptized on the boardwalk.
We then proceeded to walk to another "block Party" down the street on the corner of Mermaid and 29th where we once again handed out supplies and provided medical care.
Renee, Jonna, Mark, Nurse Kim
We met a married couple that survived the hurricane. I ministered to Mark and he accepted Christ as his Savior. Our time together with our new church family and all the residents of the area was coming to an end. It was very bittersweet. We were all full of energy yet very tired. What an amazing last day. It was where all the loading, unloading, delivering, and ministering to the people came together. Yet another beautiful intersection of people and places.

Our new church family
Mission Accomplished.


Pamela Renee Schneider



My Letter from Jesus

My Precious Daughter,

Do not think that I have not heard your plea. I have been with you through it all. I know your heart and your desires.
The time has not been right for me to complete my plans for you. Many obstacles had to be removed to set you free.
But now the time has come and you will be the new person you have longed for. The emotional pain will lift never to stifle you again. Your soul will soar like an eagle and your burdens will melt away.
I have watched and waited for this day my child. Do not let guilt cripple you any longer. Accept my love and forgiveness and forgive yourself. It is time to move ahead.

Love,
Your friend Jesus

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

My Wish...My Prayer


My Wish...My Prayer

Wish I didn't feel stupid.
Wish I could fix all my problems.
Wish I said no.
Wish I was not so indecisive.
Wish I was happy.
Wish I was successful.
Wish I would have made better choices.
Wish I didn't have any regrets.

So I prayed...

I am intelligent.
Only God can fix my problems.
Now I can say no.
I can make good decisions.
I am happy. I am successful.
I make better choices.
I do not maintain any regrets.

Pamela Renee Schneider

Adjectives



How I thought others saw me:

Slut, Whore, "C" word, Hustler, Stupid Incompetent Bitch, Duh!, Lazy, Bad Mom, Worthless Piece of Shit, Thief, Fat, Selfish, Shy,  Burden, Failure, Disappointment.

                                                   How I See Me:
   Beautiful, Caring, Smart, Giving, Thoughtful, Good Mom, Child of God, Worldly Poor Rich In Spirit, Rescued, Saved, Strong, Courageous, Sacrifice, Loyal, Trustworthy, Bold, Confident, Noble Warrior of Christ, Renewed, Redeemed, Happy, Abundant Joy, New Life.

All the Glory to God!

Pamela Renee Schneider

The Switch

The Switch

I walk and reflect on my life and wonder where exactly in my life I got lost. I want to say it was before I was born. My parents were not with Christ so they were not capable of showing me where to go. Yes, they had the ability to provide food, shelter, and love, but it was not the foundation in Christ that I needed to believe in the spiritual world. The problem is, my parents did not know this. They were completely unaware as were the generations of my family before them. It had been generation after generation of un-churched family. With my family...it stops here, with me. I know the truth, Satan is no longer going to control my family and lead us to eternal damnation.
My strange looking church
I'm trying to recall my first memory. Not a memory induced by an old photograph or a story told, but an actual first memory. I recall blips of recollection when I was approximately five or six when my family lived in Florida. I remember going to a children's group at the strange looking church on Anna Maria Island, Florida which we lived. I was shy and nervous to meet the people. I remember playing at the beach. The sand was hot. I could hear the seagulls. Was this all real? I can remember lying in bed with the breeze filtering through the window. I could hear the Gulf of Mexico, it was only 100 yards away down a sand road. No old photo could capture the tranquil beauty of that time. I remember playing in the sand street in front of our house and trying to catch the lizards scampering through the grass. We would pick fresh kumquats from the tree in our front yard.
Seagulls on the Gulf
It was good. I was young, I'm guessing around four years old. I had no cares in the world, peaceful, fun, carefree. I look back and with the lack of ability to understand, God was there.
My memory comes in and out like flashes of light when you turn a light switch on and off. The switch could have been left off for years or days or minutes. I try to remember, where did my self go?
My life was good on the island, I was happy, I do remember that. I do not know the real reason why we left the island. I've been told different stories over the years by my parents. They will argue over the blame. Both say they never wanted to leave but yet we did. Why? I need to stop wondering. I need to let it go. There must have been drama that was unfolding that as a child I would not be able to comprehend. I'm guessing there were lies, infidelity, and control issues going on within the family.
Was whatever it was worth ripping us from what I new as my home, my existence? Why are we filling a big truck with our stuff? What was going on and why? What was happening? Did  my parents explain? Is that a blacked out memory? Did someone flip the switch off? Was Satan in control of the switch? Did he want me to not see so I would carry these question my entire life, to cause confusion in a small child. To gain control he attacked my weakness, my tiny innocent heart, my sense of safety. He took my home.
Why are my parents letting this happen? I was too little to have my own opinion. People do not listen to children. I could do nothing. My life's path has been shifted. Will I ever get back to my earthly home?
Switch off-switch on.
We are in Millbury, Ohio. Staying at my grandmas house. How long were we there, I do not know. Why were we there, I do not know. I remember my birthday receiving a Ballerina Barbie and a Spirograph. I was happy. They must have known what I wanted. I think I turned six.
Switch off-switch on.
Anna Maria Island, Florida
Now we are in a house in Elmore, Ohio. I do not remember moving there. We were just there. There was a giraffe painted on the wall and my parents room was on a stage. There was a closet on either side of their bed in which my sister and I would play and sometime sleep. In some cases I would sit alone and hide, from what, I don't know. The house was an old day care center that is why there were animal paintings on the wall and a stage was present. There was a bathroom on either side of a kitchen. They were really creepy to me, cold and dirty. This may be the birth of my bathroom phobia.
Why were we here? Did my brother and sister have a clue what was going on? Was it explained to them? So many questions! Where are we? What is going on? Where is that funny looking Church? Where is my hot sands, seagulls, and my Gulf breeze through my window? Where is my God? Is this temporary?
I want to go home!

Pamela Renee Schneider




Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Stripped

Stripped

What is the exact definition of homeless?
What does homeless look like?
How does it feel?
Is there an income guideline?
Am I homeless?
I sit in my car not exactly knowing where to go or what to do. Broke and depressed, I could go to my dads but I try to stay away as much as possible as to not burden him more than I already do. My want and need to be alone keeps me from going there until I absolutely have to. I don't mind sitting in my car, in a parking lot under a street light writing. No one knows I'm here or do they care. Everyone has busy lives that continue as I sit here and write. What am I going to do? I'm thankful my dad lets me stay with him yet my pride makes me stay away. I'm thankful I have a car that gets me to places I need to be. I spend a majority of my time in it. It's starting to get cold. I can't imagine if I had to live on the streets right now. It scares me to think about it but I am only a small step away from living on the streets or in a shelter.
Apparently I qualify as homeless. I'm just not on the streets homeless. I'm a "couch hopper." An adult, unable to provide for my most basic needs. This is not how I imagined my life would be.
I feel alone, unwanted, a burden. Society may consider me a mooch, leach, an annoyance, an indigent. Worthless.
My home away from a home-my car
I get used to spending time in my car. I make use of any gas money the best I can. A family member asked me how I can go to conventions and to church and do all the different things I do. My reply was that my friends paid for the conference amenities, my dad helped with the hotel, adding guilt to the shame. The only way it is possible to make it day by day is by the Grace of God. The Lord provides. He is the only way because I have proven that I can't do it on my own.
The Lord will bring me through this season of duress. I ask my self, could He be preparing me for living in a third world country or for a mission trip by having me stripped down to nothing?
Whatever God has in store for me it will be good. Yes, I am considered homeless on this earth but I will have an eternal home with Jesus Christ. I will never be cold, lonely or feel worthless.
To all of the homeless people around the nation, have peace knowing that our Lord and Savior has a good plan for you in this evil world. He loves you, and sheds tears for you. Cry out to him, ask him to save you, I did, and He saved me. No matter what happens on this earth I know that He is my rock, my center. His Holy Spirit filled my heart and I can rest anywhere knowing that I will be safe in His arms.
May God be with you all.
Be safe out there.

Pamela Renee Schneider
10/10

Ruined

Ruined

Ruin...ruin...ruin...

It has broken me.
It has stolen from me.
It lied to me.
It hurt me, damaged me.
Broken pieces.
It has ruined everything that I thought was real.
It ruined my perception of what reality really is.
It ruined my relationships with my family.
It ruined my opportunities.
It ruined my sane mind.
It ruined my identity, what I thought was normal.
I've been trying desperately to see through shattered lenses, ruined eyes.
It wants to ruin us.
That is what its controlling does...exploitation.

Your not ruined.
You see me.
It won't ruin us.

Friday, June 1, 2012

Man Made Walls of Stone


I've been doing a lot of thinking about relationships. Primarily why they never last. Why men don't persue long enough. They quit before it even gets started. I realize though that it is a good thing. Those are the men that are not the one. It is bittersweet. I would rather be right with God than be with the wrong man. This was a conversation with someone that does not know me at all.

"I'll be honest, at this rate it will take a long time before we ever meet. You seem to be a hard one to get close to. You have set up many walls four a guy to get over and knock down. I don't know why, but that's fine. The Lord works in mysterious ways. Something must catch your attention and until then you are like a stone in the road, not bothered by anything. Don't be like the stone that was found just to be thrown into the water not to be seen again til the water dried up. I would like to meet you but I don't like to chase someone that doesn't plan on being caught."
"I didn't put the walls up...the men did. Now, no man has seen me worth sticking around long enough to break through the walls. A few have tried but gave up. I believe that the man that I am meant to be with will persue me and break through. I get hopeful at each mans attempt, I watch them give up and walk away and the walls continue to get bigger. I'm confident that whoever finally breaks through will know that I am worth it. I know because the Lord has told me. I deserve someone who would fight for me, someone that loves me for who I am. Like the walls of Jericho, they will eventually fall."
It's funny he said that I am like a stone in the road not bothered by anything. Not to be like that stone that was found just to be thrown into the water not to be seen again until the water dried up. What he does not think about is that I did not ask to be picked up and thrown.

So he compares me to stone. As if I have no emotion. What he does not know is that I long for just one man that knows my worth. A man that will not use me, a man that respects me, a man that will not prey on me. The walls are man made of stone...in which were built not to harden my heart but to protect it's vulnerability until the day my Noble Warrior of Christ breaks the walls down. The one man I will not have to watch give up and walk away.

Pamela Renee Schneider

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Pure abundant overflowing obedient joy...I really like all those words put together. Never thought I would use all those words in a sentence in reference to my life. Wow God. You rock!

Pamela Renee Schneider