03/15/06
Killing time, alone, trying to relax and clear my mind. Grow, enjoying life, peace, relaxation, quiet, getting sleepy, enjoying down time.

04/01/06
I am just sitting here with absolutely nothing to do. It's cold outside yet I should be trimming around the house, no ambition. My thoughts, don't know. Ken and I agreed to sign paperwork for the divorce on Wednesday. I am very nervous, am I doing the right thing? I'm a bad mom, what kind of mom doesn't fight for her kids. What is wrong with me? Jacob said he wanted to live with his dad, how could I break them all up? This isn't what I thoughts life would be. The husband, children, house, and white picket fence plan fell apart. Was this ever a good plan? is it such a disappointment because I was brought up to believe that this is what your supposed to do. Never marry again. Maybe that kind of life was never meant to be for me.
So where do I go from here? What do I do now? Honestly, I really don't have any idea what to do. My whole life has changed. Everything I have ever known has changed. I don't want this change in my life to seem like the end. It should be a new beginning and I should be seeing it as such. This should be a positive change in my life. But it's not.